Women Connect

Femme Lounge

2010-03-19T20:41:00.000+01:00

Hello All,

This blog has moved to http://www.femmelounge.org

Letter From Stella

2007-09-07T12:42:00.000+01:00

My dear Stella,

How are you? How is life in Canada? In your last letter you mentioned that life is difficult there, especially at the start of your married life. I know the feeling. We are probably experiencing similar hardships.

You are lucky to be where you are. As you know, so many of our people here dream of going to Canada, the United States, the United Kingdom, Japan and other counties. So many women pay large sums of money to leave in search of brighter futures, some even illegally. Some of these women look for men to marry them, something they can’t be blamed for, because life is so difficult here. Others take on any kind of work just to be able to earn a living. There are fortunate ones who get decent and respectable job. So don’t give up – you’ll find work, especially since you are in Canada legally.

There are different stories to tell about people we knew and grew up with. Remember my cousin Ella? She finished studying to become a doctor here, only to start all over again to become a nurse, as she heard that nurses in the West earn big salaries. It is an honorable profession, but her aunt can’t understand why she had to do what she did.
I hear she is in London now.

Then there is Julia, the daughter of a neighbor in Marieveles. Julia is a teacher in Texas now and reportedly has a huge house. Her older sister used to work in Hong Kong as a domestic helper.

Remember Lea, the basketball team’s muse? She once invited me to apply to work with her in Japan. The last time I saw her, she was buying a plane ticket to Tokyo. Remember how our classmates used to laugh at her because she was a stiff and graceless dancer? She can’t sing either. I don’t know. I guess one just needs determination.

I still work as a cashier in a departmental store. Thank God, I have finally become a regular employee after years of working there. Lately, there have been a lot of strikes in our company because the owner refuses to pay fair wage. As much as I would like to join these strikes, my responsibilities to my family keep me from doing so. And even if I wanted to look for another job (because I do have a degree in management) it would be hard to find one, regardless of my education.

I myself am responsible for the tuition of Utoy, my youngest brother, a sophomore at a computer college, as well as that of my oldest sister Gina’s children. She is out of work and has a useless husband who likes to gamble. They fight all the time, and he’s even hurt her once. They survive on her earnings from selling rice cakes. Fortunately the sibling after me, a new graduate has already started working.
She was hired by a customer- service call center in Ortigas. Classy, huh? There are a lot of these companies here now; they mostly hire women, up to 90 percent.

The trouble with her though, is that she’s too capricious and extravagant. You know how that is. Teenagers nowadays are too much like sheep and always like to be in style. The problem is that styles change so fast and it’s expensive to keep up. In our time, there were no cell phones; computers only had black screens with green letters: and watching a movie at Shoemart was the only pastime we knew.
Nowadays, women are up to all kinds of new things.
What used to be exclusively male events have now become female activities - things engaged in by “yuppies’’, as the young people here now like to call themselves – places like Malate bars where you get dressed up and go to see and be seen, air-conditioned pool halls, cybercafés, which are addictive even to the computer illiterate who go there to ‘‘chat’’, and coffeehouses with expensive coffee.

This is all for now. I have to go and watch my favorite tele-novela; all rage nowadays on TV.

Take care always.

Your friend,
Erlinda

P.S. I’m still waiting for a husband. Gabriel and I broke up because I caught him dating another girl. There are still three of us unmarried girls in our group of friends. We’re always bridesmaids or sponsors but never the brides at weddings. My mother is rushing me to get married, as she says I might not be able to have a child or won’t find anyone because I’ll be over thirty.

This fictional adaptation of a letter written to a young Filipino immigrant in Canada by an old friend is written by Estrella Santos, a young woman from Philippines.
Culled from Imagining Ourselves, a publication by International Museum of Women

Come To The Edge

2007-07-07T11:57:00.000+01:00

“Come to the edge, he said.
They said: We are afraid.
Come to the edge, he said.
They came.
He pushed them and they flew’’

- Guillaume Apollinaire (1880 - 1918)

Sexual Abusers – Their Side Of The Story?

2007-04-03T03:11:00.000+01:00

Having read a number of posts recently on issues of sexual abuse, I have been wondering what exactly goes on and wrong in the minds of these abusers, where does the nut get loose.

We have read and heard a lot from the sexually abused who have found healing and strength to speak out on these issues, when will the abusers be repentant enough to share their own side of the story?

The surprising thing about it is that most times the culprits are not the roaring lions on the streets looking for whom to devour, they are often the gentle lambs within our courts - our friends, our brothers, our fathers, our uncles and even our husbands!

Normal people with a good life and atimes a happy family – the most unsuspected!

From the father who rapes his daughter, to the son who rapes his mother and all the many in between the two.

What goes on within?

I guess one of the answers has come in a latest discovery about a male friend. As nice and charming as he could be, I would never trust him with my daughter!

I usually feel so uncomfortable with his lustful stare and could see his arousal at almost every sight of a woman’s flesh!

I wasn’t so surprised when I discovered he is addicted to pornography!

Is it possible to constantly view such scenes and still be free of unusual sexual fantasies and imaginations towards women, especially the most vulnerable?

Could this be one of the reasons why some men’s vision would be blurred like the Lion called Alex in the DreamWorks SKG produced cartoon, Madagascar, who at the smell of the jungle started seeing his best friends as prey.

The strongest mark of restraints can unquestionably give way at a regular fuelling of pornography; it erodes sexual discipline and fills the mind with unusual cravings that no morals or any sense of reasoning and friendship would hold back.

The abuser does not obviously see a friend, a niece, a daughter …, all he sees is a sport made for pleasure – a prey.

I know this could be a whole lot more complex than I think, but statistics have shown that pornography is the most common characteristics amongst sexual abusers.

I have heard so much argument for pornography, some think it enhances sexual relationship between partners, but aren’t there healthier ways of knowing how to do the ‘whats’, and at what cost are we ready to learn from it.

At the cost of having insatiable and uncontrollable sexual urge, and running after everything in skirt which could be your best friend’s daughter.

With access to internet the strangest of pornographic materials is just a click away, how then do we protect ourselves, and the generation next from being sexually abused and being sexual abusers?

Note this is not to say that being sexually abuse is only peculiar to women, men go through same too.

Read the gory confession of a hard core pornography addict here
www.pureintimacy.org/gr/intimacy/understanding/a0000082.cfm

My Mother's Friend

2007-03-27T00:01:00.000+01:00

Her death is still like a dream to me; it is so hard to believe she will never buy same clothes with my mother again, will never be a sure face and helping hand at every event in our house and no longer be here to chastise our short skirts and insists our boyfriends should be from her state.

We grew up knowing her as a vital part of our family; a day wouldn’t be complete if my mother hadn’t seen her.

She was tall, beautiful, graceful, and blessed with an ageless skin. With her very calm and composed demeanor, I had always felt she was endowed with so many attributes that should have made her a high flyer in life.

I remembered overhearing her telling my mother of how men still swarm around her and find it hard to believe she has seven children!

The news of her death keep echoing the same things in the minds of all, it reminds us of how fragile and far-reaching our choices are and that life does not always give us the chance to heal our regrets and make corrections. It’s really so pathetic.

She got married when she was a teenager despite all objections; she was enticed by a polygamist old enough to be her father. She had her first child at age 16; the next 12 years saw her having six more in quick succession.

As one of her husband’s favorites, she was pampered. She had the best of things and had people at her beck and call. Despite advice from her friends to take advantage of these and start up a business or take up job, she didn’t think it was as necessary as they made it seem.

The late nineties however came with a dwindle in her husband’s businesses, accompanied with a diagnosis of a terminal illness.
The other wives were not in for any pity party, they went on to face their lives and to take care of their children, but my mother’s friend stood by him.

Then stepped in her friends with their advice again, now that her husband was ill and she wasn’t sure his business will recover soon, they suggested she start a business, as it was already late to pick up a paid employment.

Giving one excuse or the other she refused, till her husband died few years ago.

Being the closest to the man in his latter days, everyone had thought the will was going to favor her and her children but the best of the man’s riches had been given to one of the wives and her children – the man had written the will years ago to favor his favorite wife at that time, who was not one of the closest to him at the time of his death!

The remaining of his property was to be shared among the other wives and their children, but he had already sold many of them before he died, so they were left with virtually nothing to claim.

My mother’s friend was devastated, she had no money, no source of income and even her apartment had been given to one of her step sons. It was terrible!

She ran here and there looking for help, stuck with seven children, that she had not had so much time to give the best of training, and consequently some have been slow paced compared to their age mates.

She started struggling hard to make ends meet, her children were scattered all over friends and relatives houses, while she relocated to another state to stay with a friend.

Then her childhood friend came from England last year and promised to help her, some weeks later my mother’s friend was on her way to London, everyone was happy, at last a form of breakthrough has come, perhaps she will be able to work and raise money to take care of her children.

Then we started having SOS calls from her, apparently her childhood friend took her to England to be involved in some shady deals, on her refusal she was sent out of the house with her passport seized and no where to go.

She was taken in by a Nigerian community and had hoped to recover from her friend’s betrayal and settle down to a new live, then; she was diagnosed of breast cancer.

She couldn’t afford the medical bills neither could her hosts, so they decided to bring her back to Nigeria to her family. It all happened so fast, by the time she got to Nigeria she was unconscious and at age 45 she never opened her eyes again.

She was buried today.

Who Needs a Guinea Pig?

2007-03-18T00:36:00.000+01:00

As my next birthday approaches with a relentless speed that reminds me of dreams unfulfilled and plans out of place.

I have been fighting pout of depression now and then, draining my most creative energy; I have never felt so clueless, and trackless on how to go about the next phase of my life.

There is definitely a need for something more than what my effort presently yields; I felt a dire need to climb on someone’s shoulder to see the road ahead.

I concluded I had to see a counselor.

While still contemplating on who to talk to, my best friend thought I should start thinking of other sources of income while I continue with my job hunt and wait for my dream job.

He recommended ‘One Minute Millionaire’ by Mark Victor Hansen and Robert Allen.

It is a two book in one, with a fiction and non fiction approach designed to address two kinds of learning, so that readers can fully integrate the life changing lessons.

The right side pages tell the fictional tale of Michelle who lost her home and custody of her children, desperate for a change she defied rejections and went in pursuit of guidance.

The rest of the story shows how Samantha, a self made and enlightened millionaire took Michele under her wings, shared her wisdom, helped her overcome her fears and oppressive barriers as she faced a terrible dilemma of raising a million dollars in 90 days or loose custody of her two children forever.

Reading the novel part was an eye opener for me - a true moment of aha , above the tremendous lessons learnt about multiple streams of income, I realized what I actually need at this phase of my life isn’t a counselor but a mentor.

More than periodic advice from someone with or without a genuine interest, what I need is support from a Samantha or Samanthas who will see in me a future, then patiently and selflessly fashion these irregular pieces of raw material into a stunning work of art. This could be based on knowledge and life experiences in different aspect of life, career, faith, marriage, etc

I have always adored the idea, especially women mentoring women.
We are so much like each other in many ways, we share many similar experiences. We can read and understand each other’s feeling and emotions in situations effortlessly, and I guess we will make the best mentors for ourselves.

The question is how do I find one?

While some think that the best of such are those that happen naturally - you meet someone, a conversation begins and pretty soon, you realize you have a mentor! Others think that mentoring relationships rarely happen accidentally, that it takes a calculative effort from the one in search. In other words you have to be on the lookout for someone who might have something to invest into you.

I guess I have always been on the waiting side when it comes to this, hoping that one day I will meet someone and then there will be a click, but maybe at this point I have to be in a hot pursuit of someone who is ready to impact lessons and practices that can be embraced, I am ready to be a guinea pig!

Their Eyes Were Watching God

2007-02-14T14:29:00.000+01:00

I rarely have best things, but watching this movie again this weekend I know it is undeniably my best movie and why I am so drawn to a particular message from the movie – its moral cushions my faith in making a decision at the present crossroads of my life.

Adapted from African American writer, Zora Neale Hurston's best-known novel set in Southern Florida in the early 20 th century, and produced by Oprah Winfrey's Harpo Production, starring Hale Berry and Michael Ealy.

'Their Eyes Were Watching God' is a story that shows the resilience of a woman in overcoming the different men and situations that held her down in a search for an identity.

There has been a lot of argument on how much justice the movie really did to the book especially as it wrongly depicts it as a story of love, I have only read study guides of the book but to me, the movie is nothing close to worthless as critics try to portray it.

However the overwhelming message that keeps me glued to this story, is not so much of its application to love, but the rebellion of an imperfect woman.

While the other women accepted their condition, though they wished in their hearts they could have the power to see what they want to see and the determination to pursue it, Janie defied the societal efforts to define who she should be.

She dared to pursue what gives her happiness and full expression of who she is, at the end of her journey she might not have met up with the societal definition of success but she returned with an unusual sense of fulfillment, of someone gone to the horizon and back.

While writing this I remembered a poem I wrote last year:

My Generation Of Women

My generation of women is defined by the discovery of our wings
By the formidable quest for identity that has broken the cage of tradition
We soar high as far as our imaginations take us
Beautifying the sky of our world
With the colorful creativity of our exploration
No longer boxed up in the norms of the society
A society as multi opinionated as the countless faces that make it up
Listening to its obsolete rhymes could equal loosing yourself
And becoming as nameless as it is
Adversity has bred in us fortitude
Therefore, we are not afraid to bend or even break
We are running the race our mama could not when she was our age
Embellishing our walk with the desire to define
We ask questions of our various roles
Of who, what, where, how and when
We send our minds on an adventure around the global village
Merging our heritage with the beckoning of the future
And we find ourselves an expression therein

How true is it or could it be?

Skirting The Signs

2007-02-02T12:22:00.000+01:00

The launch of gender friendly signs as part of the campaign for gender mainstreaming in Vienna has sparked off a fiery debate for the past few weeks and am finding the analysis of the different schools of thought amusing.

"Exit" signs, the traditional running male stick figure was replaced by a running woman, this time in high-heeled boots and a skirt, hair flying behind her.

On a sign warning "Beware the Road Is Slippery," the woman carries a little handbag.(lol!)

In Vienna's town hall the signs for nappy-changing facilities which showed a mother and child also now has an image of a man changing his baby's diaper, to show men doing what is traditionally associated with women ( i like this one), and many more changes are said to be in the pipeline.

The aim is to give the genders equal exposure , and basically to make people rethink gender based stereotypes.

Beyond the signs, the city is also looking at ways of framing public policies to ensure that both genders benefit equally and bear equal responsibilities.

The diverse responses to this initiative as only revealed how unresolved gender issues remain in Austria which has been described as one of the most socially conservative countries in European Union.

Much of the negative criticism has been from men who think the campaign is just a waste of money and uncalled for. To a good extent, I think this reaction is a good reflection of a larger picture of the mindset towards the inequalities.

But some women also feel that gendering the signs shouldnt be the first focus in a country where women earn 24% less than men on the same jobs and where its so hard for a women to get top jobs. feminists also believe that depicting women in the traditional symbols of skirt and high heels still has some degree of gender bias. ( My God!)

Well, some of the arguement sounds pretty reasonable but really i think it is a first step in the right direction that has to be followed by more concrete initiatives that would make the public go beyond looking at the signs to thinking about the message behind it and putting it into practise.

Happiest Day At Work

2007-01-30T14:44:00.000+01:00

I must have swivelled my chair for the umpteenth time with a wide smile and sighs of relief deeply rooted in a feeling of triumph.
It’s obviously the happiest day of my almost two years on this job and I surely deserve a treat for this achievement.

Salary increase? Promotion? Successfully executed a project? You couldn’t have guessed right!

It defies the advice of job experts, wouldn’t acknowledge the yellow signals from my bank account and said ‘why not’ to the ‘whys’ of disgruntled co-workers.

I resigned my job while still looking for another.

Finally, I summoned the courage to say enough is enough – to paydays with sighs, to barriers on the flow of my creativity, to being trapped in an atmosphere saturated with mediocrity.

I simply said NO with no iota of fear or likelihod of regret to being less of who I am.

I know it’s a tough call but I’m prepared to lengthen my cords and strengthen my stakes for the enlargement that will surely come.

I know so well and see with my mind’s eye of faith that my decisions today has opened up a new lease of life for me.

Neglected Dreams

2007-01-19T11:40:00.000+01:00

by Opeyemi Fadipe

On Sunday, 14th January 2007 after church service, my husband persuaded me to branch off with him at the vendor’s place on our way home. While we were selecting which of the dailies had the most catching headline, I stumbled on a magazine on the shelf and paused to see the content.

Three years back I had nursed the dream of publishing a magazine that will discuss food and health related issues. I had ruminated on this idea for about two months and decided that I wanted to do this and I could do it. As soon as I finished my Youth Service I started getting myself ready for this huge project. I gathered so many materials, read so many books, spent nights reading, writing or browsing the Internet. I involved a doctor friend who was quite interested in writing on the health related issues and we started working together. In few months, a draft of my maiden edition was ready and I went further to get a graphic artist, a printer, a lawyer to help me with the copyright registration and some specialists to edit the draft. To be honest I had all the support I wanted especially from my parents.

One afternoon, I returned from an outing to meet a letter of employment from one of the banks I applied to during my Youth Service programme. I got so excited and the first thing that came to my mind was “Yeah, now I’ll be able to fund this project from my purse” but hardly did I know that the thought was an illusion. Immediately I resumed work I became so engrossed and distracted that I forgot my magazine draft in the leather box I carried with me to my new location. After several months I met a guy who marketed for a publishing firm at the time and he was willing to join forces with me to make my neglected dream a reality but sooner than I thought I got a better job in another city and off I went with my draft still in my leather box. And then marriage came. Off course you could be sure honeymoon is sweet enough to make a new bride forget even her maiden name. My dream became not only neglected but also forgotten. But right there the magazine in my hand at the vendor’s stand is the exact name I had coined for my forgotten and aborted magazine. The exact name and the exact issues I planned to write about were all enclosed in the maiden edition I was holding.

I hurriedly flipped through to see if I would see the names of any of those people who knew about my project but there was none inside. I called some of those people I discussed my idea with but they all seem to have forgotten I discussed any such things with them. Then it dawned on me that I wasn’t the only one who had the idea. After several hours of being angry with myself, I disclosed the whole episode to my husband this time not as a complainant but as a friend sharing with another, lessons she had learnt from certain situations in life and these were my basic learning points.

Dreams are seeds that are sown in the mind. A farmer scarcely sows one seed rather he sows many and the viable ones grow. This is to tell you that the moment an idea springs forth in your mind it must have sprung in the minds of countless number of people.
For those who nurture their seeds, water it by taking steps towards turning the dreams into reality, the seed sprouts and buds showing great prospects for the dream in the future if you press further.
Work with the right attitude and you’ll see the sun shine on the buds of your dream and the flowers open up. This was where I packed up my box.
Put in a little more effort, water, prune and add manure then expect an explosion. The fruits start coming out and the dream becomes a reality.
The fruits of a plant are always bigger and more numerous than the seeds that bore them. They even come carrying new seeds in them. If you follow through your dreams be sure it will open up other opportunities and launch you into a bigger dream because now you are no longer a dreamer you are an achiever.
Never get engrossed in things that are outside the scope of your dreams and purpose. That is if you are sure you’ve discovered your path in life.
Don’t be carried away by distractions that come like attraction.
Marriage or other milestones are not hindrances they are supposed to facilitate your dream. It’s just that we misuse opportunities.
Nurture your dreams and follow through until you’ve actualized them.

I learnt these lessons just yesterday when I saw my dream hijacked by a more serious person and that was when I decided none of my dreams was going to ever die again. I thought of Women Connect and I decided it was not going to be hijacked from us (Sola and myself) by any force.
We have made up our minds to touch the lives of women and that WE WILL SURELY DO!

True Feminine Emancipation?

2007-01-15T13:53:00.000+01:00

Feminine emancipation in Nigeria as advocated for by the likes of trail blazing Funmilayo Ransome Kuti and Margaret Ekpo who spearheaded social movements that sought equal right for women in the interest of the women and of the nation, has greatly evolved to receive a warm embrace of the society.

Nigeria has witnessed increased liberation of women from religious, legal, economic, social and sexual oppression over the decades. Women are increasingly finding a voice in these areas, and this is diversely expressed in their upward mobility in politics, corporate and business worlds and so on.

The young generation of Nigerian women is being defined by the discovery of their wings, by the formidable quest for identity that is banging hard on the cage of tradition

With access to resources that previous generations never dreamt of when they were their age, they are sending their minds on an adventure around the global village. Merging their heritage with the beckoning of the future, and finding an expression therein.

However, this diverse expression offers a subtle tendency to reach a conclusion that feminine emancipation is widely understood and accepted, while the percentage of women who are still bound in the dictates of tradition remains enormous.

Many Nigerian women still need to climb on the shoulders of past advocacies for recognition, to confront the new challenges posed by their struggle for freedom.

To realize that true feminine emancipation does not only lie in the acquisitive equality with men, but in the realization of the rich individual potentiality, where the feminine personality reaches its full and liberated potential without traces of passivity.
Inferring from the past what is valuable and merging it with the positive evaluations of the present without listening to obsolete rhymes of tradition.

The question of Nigerian women understanding true feminine emancipation therefore seems largely inconclusive; there has been much progress in identifying with it, but to what extent and by what percentage, remains significant in reaching a conclusion.

My Person Of The Year

2006-12-31T15:15:00.000+01:00

There was a "knowing" within me almost 90 months ago leading me to take the greatest risk of my life. It defied the norms as I knew it but it was strong and convincing enough to make room in my heart for the love of a man I knew almost nothing about.

Sometimes, I wonder what my reaction would be if someday my nineteen year old daughter walks up to me to tell me she just did the same!
Will I be disappointed at her seeming stupidity or will the confidence I will have in her make me trust her judgment without fear.

Beyond today’s alternatives and definitions of romantic relationships, I choose love in its entirety.

As I sort my old books over the weekend, I came across a collection of old cards and letters - memories of the beginning of what has become one of life’s most beautiful gifts to me.

I was reminded me of the summoning of strength to declare desire, power of will to state response, step of boldness to announce choice, emergence of transparency to enhance communication , the divulging into each other to become the best of friends and the faith to believe it will last forever.

It’s been a friendship mellowed and refined in the test of time and change, and beautified in the evolution of two hearts.
It represents a new world in me, a world not born before the friendship arrived and that can only be born by this meeting.

Some think I speak so highly so early, and even marvel at my gut to believe in a lasting dance of two souls in a garden of love.

But I dare to love in its entirety.

To love and be loved, to know and to be known, to find and to be found, allowing no fear to hold me back from giving it all.

For the time, resources and ideas shared, for the thoughtfulness, reliability and selflessness, for having a hand to hold as I walked through the year – thanks to my best friend.

Countdown To 2007

2006-12-20T09:26:00.000+01:00

As unmarked days get fewer on my countdown to 2007, I finally succeeded in getting myself to have a review of the passing year and plan for the next.
It actually used to be one of the things I look forward to. I enjoy analyzing and planning, but doing it this year is more out of necessity than of the pleasure it used to be
Why? Well, it’s anybody’s guess.

At a second look at the year, I felt I was just allowing my mental picture of what the year should have been, blur all the other good things that have come my way, so I started out with two things.

I thought of all the lessons I have learnt in the seemingly difficult times of this year, painful as they could be, I wonder what kind of woman I was or would have become without these life building lessons, . Acknowledging them and running with them proves an extent of unquantifiable growth!
Somehow, I think someday am going to say it was worth it - of course well cushioned with faith in the beckoning of the future.

I also decided to celebrate people that have made tremendous contribution to my life this year in anyway; I didn’t have to think too much to know who my person of the year is; not so much for money or material gain (not that they aren’t important) but for resources of love shared, time shared, knowledge shared, ……, and in all for friendship and companionship.

The passing year might not have added so much material things (what we often use as a yardstick for success) but it sure has concretized my foundation to build on in years to come

Death Scare

2006-12-15T10:09:00.000+01:00

I just read an article from an uncle about the pains of losing his first niece and it kept me thinking about the inevitability of death of loved ones either old or young.
I come from a large family of seven children and with every marriage the family keeps expanding, and its seems my heart gets bigger, having more and more space for love, care and concern.
Atimes I get so scared of losing one of them that I practically shed tears just thinking about it.
When my sister lost her mother in law earlier in the year, I felt like there has been a trespass on a treasured garden
What I learnt from reading this article is that while we pray and believe for longetivity of life for ourselves and loved ones, we should accept that there are some things we have no control over.
I made up my mind to give all I can while I can and keep praying for the best.

My Milestones My Joy

2006-12-06T14:52:00.000+01:00

by Opeyemi Fadipe

I do not believe in reincarnation like some do but if reincarnation happens to be a reality then my cycle will be woman, woman, and woman all the way. For so many women the popular belief is that it is a man’s world. I hear such women say that given the chance to relive they will rather come as men. I do not blame them as these women have several reasons behind their opinion. But then I find it ridiculous to believe. Why on earth will a woman want to be a man? I still have not found a single reasonable reason to think that way.
Personally I have no regrets being a woman.
Womanhood is a covered calabash which when opened emits radiance, joy, happiness, fun, laughter and a lot of hope.
For a lot of women, womanhood would have been so beautiful had the natural occurrences been absent. I once heard my younger sister say, ‘how I wish I do not menstruate’ forgetting that it is a sign that someday life will germinate in that same stomach.
Contrary to popular feminine opinion, I believe women will appreciate their lives, milestones and enjoy womanhood much better when we begin to savor the honey at the core of our seemingly painful milestones. We need to relish the joys, pleasures that lie deep in our challenges. Of a truth, our challenges far outweigh those of our mothers and grandmothers but God has so endowed us with joys that do not fade as the years go. The joys and happiness that lie deep within our challenges are not ephemeral. They are such that we remember so many years afterwards and we still smile heartily.
Can you remember the day as a baby your ear was pierced? Possibly not but I believe if babies could talk you would have told the next baby boy to you how lucky he was not to be a girl. But here you are today adorning yourself with lots of beautiful jewelry in that same hole that was created painfully. That imaginary baby boy friend of yours could today probably be among those guys who want to put on earrings to look trendy.
I am quite sure you have not forgotten those days when your nanny or hairdresser would force your head into her laps to plait your hair. Most of us never liked those women but we turn our heads several times to see whose looking at our hairstyles.
Sometimes at the age of twelve, I discovered I had some pains on two particular spots in my chest. It was so painful that I did not hesitate to tell my mum it must be cancer. You can imagine how she laughed and like most Yoruba women told me those two thins will eventually send me out of my father’s house. Today it’s a reality; I am out of my father’s house living happily with my own man. Those two growths accentuated my figure so much that the opposite sex could not resist me. It contributed to my beautiful body framework.
Early one morning I woke up restless, feeling different, vomiting and running high temperature. I felt I was not myself anymore. It became so uncomfortable and I found myself in front of a doctor’s desk, only to be told that I have a new life growing inside of me. Is it how it begins?
Several months passed and I still feel I am not my original self, tummy bulges; appetite becomes wild and one day a terrible pain sets in that makes me feel I was going to die. I screamed and shouted and groaned and did all sort. For hours the pain persisted and then minutes later I heard the cry of a baby. The life that began to grow forty weeks ago had finally become a complete human being coming out of this stomach of mine???? It’s simply incredible.
The children grow and become matured boys and girls and then one day my daughters come home with one his friends as usual. This time they relate so closely I got uncomfortable and then my daughter opened that same small mouth she used to cry when I brought her to this planet to tell me, Mummy, this is the man I want to marry!! She seems so excited about it but it was so painful to me. Does it mean this girl doesn’t enjoy my company any longer or don’t I care enough? All questions, no answers and then the great day came. We gave our daughter out in marriage and every other woman glared at me in envy. Some couldn’t hide it. ‘Aren’t you a lucky mother?’ they asked.
That evening I flashed back at my life from the beginning at least from when I could remember and I found out it has always taught me a lesson: In the life of every woman there is no gain without a pain. Just as it happens in our natural milestones, our experiences generally teach this same lesson.
We should learn not to shy from challenges rather face them. We should learn to take the bull by the horns, take hold of every opportunity and make the best of it. We should bear in mind at all times that at the end of every tunnel in our lives; there is a bright ray of light.
One more thing to be remembered, gold in its raw state is unattractive but after each round of treatment in the fire (not in an air conditioner) it shines better and better and better……
YOU CAN CHOOSE TO SHINE AGAINST ALL ODDS!!!!!!

A Tale of Two Blouses

2006-12-04T15:55:00.000+01:00

I was pacing up and down waiting for someone in a busy marketplace, when I noticed two similar lovely blouses hung outside a small boutique that seems to be at a locational disadvantage.

Taking a closer look at the two blouses, the first one gave me an ‘’I have found it’’ feeling that only comes with amazing discoveries.

I have an idle skirt that would be perfect for its color; and the size was rightly 10. I took a look into my bag, at what seems to be the most important factor in getting the blouse; I had more than enough unbudgeted money to get it!

For a long while, and quite unnecessary as well, I stood there admiring the two blouses and I thought to myself even if the first one was not here, the second would have also been lovely for me.

I walked out of the boutique; I had decided to take the first…….but later in the day or tomorrow. Why? Well, it’s anybody’s guess!

On second thoughts I reconsidered, why not now?

A few steps away from the shop, back to pick up the blouse , I was disappointed at what I saw, a lady already had the two blouses packed and was paying for them.

The two! Not even the second best was left?

Well, the ‘get up’ ring from my alarm clock wouldn’t allow time to convince her to let me have one of the blouses; it probably knew there was nothing tangible I could do in the dream world.

Try as hard as I might to drop this dream into the ‘‘it’s just a dream” trashcan, it followed me around all through the day like a nagging wife, determined to prick on my conscience till I accepted I needed to make a change.

I didn’t have to think too far to understand its message; I knew exactly where the old shoes itch, in clear words – procrastination!

Pursuing what I desire out of life is certainly not in wishing and admiring but in getting up and running either like a lion would for its prey or like a gazelle away from its predator.

I knew it was time to run! To allow my dreams take a leap out of the pages of my journal into reality.

Wall Builders

2006-11-22T15:05:00.000+01:00

It’s before 430 B.C, the Jews had just returned to their homelands after years of captivity in Babylon, to the ruins of a once magnificent and indomitable city of splendid temples, palaces, gardens and fortifications.

Weary and exhausted from the consequences of past negligence yet faced with the challenge of rebuilding their ghost towns – remnants of days gone by, a roost for screeching owls and a lair for wild beasts

The broken walls of defence needs to be rebuilt to chronicle their return from exile, while the ‘down in the dumps’ spirit made some cynical and contrary, it geared others to see a possibility of restoration.

And so in the face of cynicism and bleakness, only a communal spirit by those who will not faint can get the enormous endeavor done.

The strategy is to form a building chain; every man to repair the section of the wall that falls into his territory until the city wall is built round.

Shallum, ruler of one of the districts, with a large compound that meant a large section of the wall to build, seemed to be at a disadvantage having no sons to build, he had daughters.

They were the crème de la crème of their emerging and recovering society, their father was probably one of the few that flourished in captivity and had returned to his native soil in good loyalty.

Coupled with the tradition that would not recognize women’s participation in such a huge community project, they should rather watch from their windows and talk about the new turns in the project rather than carry bricks of re-establishment like the men would.

But then, Shallum’s daughters saw the worth and urgency of the project and acknowledging their ability to be a part of it they rose up undaunted to contribute their own quota.

First to clear the rubbles, to sweep clean and then to build.

Not minding their ‘manicured fingers’ or their society’s definition of their roles, in drizzles and in trickles, from a heap of rubble, as much as their strength could afford, they brought out stones, one after the other.

They built the walls around their dwelling; a significant part of the wall of defense around their homeland, to restore its dignity and significance.

We all know the disheartening issues in our society today, they have definitely increased the profit margins of the media this year; corruption, insecurity, child abuse, sexual pervasions, outbreak of diseases, breakdown of family, disasters, economical instability..................................

It’s easy to analyze, scrutinize and talk about all of this decadence, of problems of the world and how they affect us, but as women we really need to start doing more than to talk about them.

Taking a stand starts from being responsive to the situation, making up our minds not to alienate ourselves or draw margins of comfort around us alone.

Irresponsibility and complacency will lead to further downfall and the truth is no matter how isolated we seem to be from or unenthusiastic about these issues, they will always come back to affect a loved one somewhere, someday.

We all need to join the ranks of the builders taking a part to play in rebuilding the present dilapidated state of our nation, in our own little and consistent way.

In the present state of our leadership, the Yoruba proverb is fulfilled, ‘the one we trusted to scratch our itching backs have adorned his fingers with thorns’

Then for how long are we going to keep waiting for them to make life better for us

Let’s do what we can, when we can, everywhere we can.

Be an advocate for something; be known to be a voice for at least one right act towards human and community development, wherever you are, in your own community and in your circle of influence.

Work hard at what you believe and into making it happen, don’t say one thing and do another.

Above the deafening noise of the various wars around us, a voice, even when it’s a whisper is heard when it’s saying the truth.

Be the one who refuses to cheat.
Be the one who refuses to litter the streets making the environment unhealthy.
Be the one who pays your bills.
Be the one having dealings with others in integrity.
Be the one who acts neighbourly and respect the right of others.
Be informed and pay attention to public issues.
Be the faithful spouse.
Be the diligent parent who works toward protective boundaries in your homes.
Be the selfless and considerate employer/employee treating others like you would they treat you

Being drivers of positive changes simply starts from doing your own part of the whole lot.

Free As a Bird?

2006-10-05T09:57:00.000+01:00

I once had a brief but passionate affair with Nigerian History, I strongly believed a closer look at the triumphs, and defeats of yesteryears could arouse the spirit of national pride.
Then I became a victim of the existing system that has lost its sense of sobriety and I realized that sometimes you only respect the past if its offspring of the present is not prodigal.

The celebration of the nation’s Independence Day this month sent me on a quest that has lured me back into our long lost affair, to take a closer look at the events of the Nigerian independence.

Somewhere, like in a dark corner of a rusted shelf I found a treasure worth my adventure.

It reminded me of an old picture hanging on the wall of the school hall in high school (wonders if its still there) with pride as if its saying ‘see who we know’. It also reminded me of a constant question in quiz competitions in my primary school, " who was the first woman to drive a car in Nigeria’’?

I found Funmilayo Ransome Kuti!

Am wrapping a theme of true independence around the month of October, drawing great inspiration from a Legend whose courage has made a model, and posing a challenge for my generation of women.

An egalitarian, afrocentric feminist, at a time when women were expected to be restricted to their traditional roles, she was an activist at the forefront of anti colonial struggle for Nigeria’s independence, challenging the multiple oppression facing women of her days and contending the myopic vision of those they called leaders.
She defied the myth of male superiority and dared to challenge the wisdom that existed, she rebelled against the society that is as multi opinionated as the countless faces that make it up! Not by mere words but by her deeds that publicly declared her praise.

Space would not allow an in-depth summary of her life and times or of her strengths and weaknesses but it sure will allow a lesson from it.

Our generation of women has been defined by the discovery of our wings, we soar high as far has our imaginations can take us, embellishing our walk with the desire to define.

We have the opportunities and resources our grandmas’ generation or even our mothers’ did not have when they were our age.

We send our minds on an adventure around the global village but do we merge our heritage with the beckoning of the future and have we found ourselves an expression therein?

Pardon me to say, Nigeria’s Independence pathetically has no reflection in its operating systems, it has not guaranteed an equal full measure of liberty to all, slavery defines it more!

To be truly free is to be able to take responsibility not only for ourselves but also in leading and contributing towards improving the welfare of our communities and eventually the nation at large, learning to labor and serve in freedom.

This a call to be aware and to be involved in the development of our communities (classrooms, neighborhoods, offices, market, etc) when we recognize a need to be met and a space to be filled do we offer what we can and join the train of a campaign for positive progressions?

We keep traveling on the journey of life, because there are too many places we have not seen yet, but when we leave where we are today, who will remember us and for what are we going to be remembered for

Free as a bird? Yes, that defines the generation of today’s woman, but only a flight on a clear wind soars as high as ever, positive changes in the society embellishes our freedom.

Quote of This Edition
"Thy spirit of independence, let me share! Lord of the Lion-heart and eagle-eye, thy steps I follow with my bosom bare nor heed the storm that howls along the sky- Tobias George Smollett, Ode to Independence (l. 1)

Task For This Edition
Think of three things you want to be remembered for in all of the communities you belong to today, and work towards making it a reality.

What Is That In Your Hands?

2006-09-19T09:06:00.000+01:00

As I read, “Just Begin” an excerpt from Max Lucado’s book ‘Cure for the Common Life’ as my weekly devotional this morning, the theme of this edition keeps resonating in my mind.
It is a question I have asked myself repeatedly in the face of diverse challenges in the past one year and has become one of the major bookmarks of my life.

It is summarized in the age long story of an ancient powerful merchant and his three servants. One morning, he called his three servants Abdul, Sule, and Ali.
He loaned them his money according to their unique abilities so they could invest it while he was away trading in a distant land. To Abdul he gave five talents, to Sule he gave two talents and Ali he gave one talent. He then proceeded on his journey to the Far East.

The three servants went on with their lives until one evening when the lateen sails of their long gone master’s dhow appeared on the horizon.
He then summoned his three servants to give account of the loan he gave them before his sojourn.
With careful investment, Abdul and Sule succeeded in doubling the money that had been loaned to them, but Ali put his own in a strong box and hid it in a dark place where no one would find it except himself! He then said to the master, I know you are a hard man you reap where you do not sow so I kept your talent for you!

The master said to Abdul “well done good and faithful servant”, to sule he also said ‘well done good and faithful servant’’, but he ordered that Ali who hid his one talent with grumbling and complaints be sent to the dungeon.

Note that the master gave the same reward to the first and second servant, altering no phrase,
He would have given the same reward to the third servant if he had made profits from his loan.

The moral of this story gave me an evolving expression to the attributes that should embellish the ultimate definition of success, the master’s reward was not based on how much they made but on the ability to make use of what they have.

Ali probably hid his talent because he thought it was relatively small and insignificant to add value and make profits, when it is compared to what others have.

As young women in today’s fast-paced world and in a society that does not consult our strengths and weakness before it leads our life - If we allow! , we are so prone to measuring ourselves by the achievements of others.

Atimes we judge other women’s life by the yardstick of ours’ and lookdown on them when they do not attain to our standards, we judge them by the quality of clothes they wear, by the job they do, by where they live, by who makes their hair and fix their nails, by what they ride, by who they are with, where they have been to ….. overlooking their uniqueness and location on the journey of life.
We also sometimes allow our esteem to be trampled upon by others that have seemingly more than we do.

It is evident in his remarks about the master; Ali felt the master was being a hard man by giving him just one talent and expecting him to bring returns while he gave the other two servants more than he gave him.

Isn’t that how life gives us? In different number and sizes and at different times but then life still expects the best of what we have been given, little or much.

We should never let the success of others and the quest for ‘manyness‘ intimidate us to hide what we have and from doing what we can at every given time. We should rather be motivated to embrace the potentials that exist in our unique experiences.

While we work towards progress in our lives, we should not waste valuable energy wishing that things were different but instead we should evaluate what we have no matter how seemingly insignificant and make a maximum use of it.

Although the society has gradually equated success to ‘how much’ and ‘how many’, but I think a closer look at John Wesley’s quote will bring sanity into our lives as women in the present race for more and more.

He said ‘’ Do all the good you can, by all the means you can, in all the ways you can, in all the places you can, at all the times you can, to all the people you can, as long ever as you can’’

What is that you have in your hands?

This question kept popping up in mind some months ago at a time that I was at the peak of dissatisfaction with my progress in life.
Then one day I lifted my palms to my face and took a closer look at them, I sat down to answer the question!

I have a low paying and dissatisfying job after months of unemployment and I have been trying hard to get another one, I have a long relationship that everyone keeps reminding me its due for marriage, I have a teenage sister paddling on the storms of adolescence and needs guidance, I have skills that needs avenue for expressions , I have a long list of material needs, I have friends good at disappearing acts, I have ideas for initiatives that my bank account doesn’t cooperate with, I have financially overwhelmed parents, and the list goes on……………………, more negatives, few positives!

Taking time out to evaluate these helped me put the pieces of the puzzle together to make a whole lot of sense. While I work hard at making progress in my life I do not have to whine and sulk (its really hard not to, believe me!), I simply have to make the little contributions my resources of time, money, ideas, skills, positive attitude, love …can afford in all these lives and situations.

I don’t have all the resources to make changes, but there sure is something (Writing Women Connect is one of them) I can do in this entire situation no matter how minute it’s going to make a change.

What is that you have in your hands?

It is not a call to be passively content but to enjoy where we are and maximize all we have while we work hard on making progress.

For some women, their list has more positives than negatives but pleasant or not, are you willing to use it and make it grand?

Quote of This Edition
v I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something, and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something.
- Helen Keller (1880-1968) - An author and Educator who became blind and deaf at an early age.

Tasks of This Edition
v Evaluate seemingly insignificant things you have in your hands right now and explore ways of using them to add value to yourself, others and situations.

Beyond A Pretty Face

2006-06-19T16:25:00.000+01:00

Today’s young women seem to be gradually embracing the societal definition of our womanhood based on physical attractiveness that encourages coating a sour spirit with sweet gestures.

It pops at us at every touch on the TV dial, a turn of newspapers and at a face lifted on the streets.

A lot of women have only found their confidence and esteem in other people’s comment on who or what they look like, leaving us with confused, unevolved young women that have particular difficulty developing self-confidence and seeking to always impress others to gain approval

As true as it is that women are naturally and profoundly endowed with physical beauty, it is important to also know that our unique essence and totality is way beyond spotless skin, straight legs and flat tummies.

For we will ultimately not be defined by who or what we look like, but by the quality of life we live and by the beauty that radiates from an emancipated inner self.

A number of women have so much emptiness inside that they only hope will be filled when they meet the right man, get a plum job, buy a car, go for an exotic holiday, etc. but I have come to realize that it is mostly as a result of not living creatively, they have probably not discovered or put into use their God given potential and talents, no matter how insignificant they seem to be.

Its time for every woman to engage in a revolution from within, to define, to locate and to differentiate herself, to draw from the well of great potentials within, pull it up and splash it all over every where we go.

We have a capacity to change the world that is designed to leave an indelible mark on all we may encounter so we need to keep revisiting the truth that, we’ve got one go at life and we should make the most of it, without holding back all that we can be, give or do, at every point in time, empty it all!

We should stop being busy hurrying through life trying to match up to the definition of the society while our beautiful and purposeful lives slip by.

One of the recommended ways of unthinking the lies about our identity is by seeking new ways of expressions, enjoying who we are by engaging life on a deep personal level.

Like Marcus Aurelius words; ‘’Dig within, within is the wellspring of good; and it is always ready to spring up if you just dig’’.

It has been proved that young women, who stretch their creativity diversely on a daily basis in all their roles and even more, have high self-esteem and confidence.

As we get entangled in today’s fast paced world, with its increasing offer of ‘ready made’ and ‘instant’ solutions to questions we reduce our challenges at creativity and make our potentials latent.

I recently saw a book, with different text messages you could choose from and send via your mobile phones and I just marveled at our we so much depend on fast things that we neglect the beauty of our creativity.

For instance why would I copy a text message from this book to my husband when I don’t have to be a writer to compose a text message to express my love!
All it takes is finding words for how I feel. It makes is real, genuine, natural and above all I have just explored my creative potential in that seemingly insignificant way.

Anne Johnson in her online article on creativity said “Women must find a way to take time to observe, listen, and let in all that our senses can bring us. We need moments when we can assimilate all this information; time for the reverie that allows our intuition to dance with our analytical minds. This process feeds our spirit and we discover that miracles can come of this union”.

We need to learn to free ourselves from the daily routines that leave our creative self unexplored and block expressive outlets.

The soul seeks creative space to thrive, be open and aware without the walls of denial surrounding us.

If you earn well enough to be able to afford few adventures (even if they don’t generate additional income), don’t keeping saving or spending all on outward looks only, as essential as these are it shouldn’t be while your soul is poor in boredom and staleness.

If your income is relatively low, learn to appreciate the beauty in every little thing no matter how insignificant, add creativity and diversity.

There is always something, one new thing to explore.

One simple starting point is by developing ways of communication that helps you express yourself, through mild drawing, daily writing in your journals, composing simple genuine poems to friends and loved ones, writing detailed letters, short stories – any creative original work, paint, sculpt, weave, braid, sew, quilt, dance,

Learn to speak a foreign language, try a musical instrument, a new kind of music if its been rock, why not jazz now, read a new kind of book or from a particular author , join a dancing club, a catering class, try your hands on decorations, event management

You don’t have to go through a formal training for some, simply get self helps books or search for relevant websites online. You can even learn and discuss with women of other cultures and classes that share the same interest with you online.

All these stretches you, brings enjoyment in the process of working toward goals and help you reach out to others and also into your deepest self.

MONTHLY QUOTE

v Happiness is not in the mere possession of money and pretty face (emphasis mine); it lies in the joy of achievement, in the thrill of creative efforts – Franklin Roosevelt

TASKS FOR THIS EDITION

v In your journal (prescribed in the previous edition) write down at least one creative thing you’ve always loved to do, can afford to do, have time or can create time to do, but have never done.
Then explore the possibility of going for it!

Harnessing the power of knowledge, Connecting with the world!

Warm Regards,
Shola Adu

‘‘Nothing in life is to be feared, only to be understood, now is the time to understand more that we may fear less’’ – Marie Curie

A Revolution From Within

2006-05-16T09:34:00.000+01:00

I am drawing inspiration to write this article from a text message I got from a friend this morning.
It reads ‘’ you will never get up on the outside until you get up on the inside”

I will say it is one of the greatest truths that we need to explore as women, especially in the midst of the present intense identity crisis.

One of the most beautiful gifts God gave us is our woman hood, and we need to understand the creativeness and mystery of our woman hood.

The moment we start living on the thought that our gender places us at a disadvantage; we are beginning to miss the whole point – the uniqueness of our womanhood.

We should revel in our womanhood and continually seek to enhance ourselves in order to be able to creatively, purposefully and outstandingly play our nature assigned roles and more all through our lifetime
.
The truth is, to be a woman is to be all of man and more, especially in terms of roles, just think about it…

I don’t think its unfair, I think it’s a priviledge to have such an enormous influence over our lives, families, communities and all.

Like someone said about womanhood, ‘’no professional pursuit so uniquely combines menial tasks with the most meaningful opportunities’’.

We need to see ourselves as the builders that we are, building lives and communities brick by brick, not allowing folly to dictate our behavior to tear down and destroy instead of being life giving.

Its time to unthink a lot of lies and unhealthy counsel that have created fears in us and have made us see our roles as being second class.

As much as life long learning includes acquiring knowledge from other women experiences, it is important for the young generation of women to know when to draw a line between folly and wisdom.

We need to learn to sieve advises especially from women that are still bitter about their life experiences, we should not allow them to make us hold back our love, commitment, sensitivity, creativity, faithfulness and all of the beautiful spirits that we are.

Its time for us to relearn who we are, value ourselves and release our God given personal power to soar by focusing on the positive, having plans for achieving what we believe in and praying for an enabling grace.

Marie Curie, a physicist and the first woman to win a Nobel Prize said, ‘’Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood, now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less’’.

Its time for every woman to engage in a revolution from within, to define, to locate and to differentiate herself.

As women we need to start drawing from the well of great potential within us, pull it up, and splash it all over ourselves by asking basic questions of what, why, how, when and where of our various roles.

For instance,

What does it mean to be a wife/ friend/ homemaker/businessperson/mother
Career woman/leader/etc?
What does playing these roles entails

Who are the primary people involved? Who are the beneficiary and who is affected by it, who am I responsible for or accountable to.

Why should I play this role? What are the consequences of doing it or not? Who does it affect if I do it or not.

How should I fulfill this role or know what to do? Is my chosen approach effective or not, can it bring positive result, how do I bring appropriate resources into use.

When does the responsibilities of my role need my attention? Is it only on a daily, occasional, seasonal etc basis?
When do I need to make changes to enhance my role?

Women who have a positive evaluation of themselves are secured in who they are, more flexible, and more firmly rooted in an internal sense of self.

They are comfortable with themselves, and they have the ability to resist pressure to conform to beliefs different from the ones they hold.

Take time off, away from the noises – of old wife fables that has been passed from generations of women, of the expectations of an unreasonable society to define who you are and want to be.

Since women’s self esteem is integrally interwoven with responses to roles, and ways of thinking, we need to look inward and connect with our unique purpose and the indescribable satisfaction that comes in fulfilling it.

It is important to clarify our thought and establish what is important in our lives, it gives us a sense of direction, and keeps us moving.

Monthly Quote

Ø ‘’Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood, now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less’’ – Marie Curie

Tasks For This Edition

Get a colorful hard cover note book and call it ‘Journal’ (we will be making references to this book in subsequent editions)

Ø Inside your journal, write at least two statements that summarize your Mission Statements for each of these.

Personal
Business/career
Friendships
Relationships
Marriage/courtship/dating
Parenting
Home making
Community/Nation

Below is an example of a young woman’s mission statements to give you a guide to writing your own.
Note that they are not rigid, you might need to edit some part or write it in a better way as you make progressions and have the impetus to make positive changes in your life.

MOJI’S MISSION STATEMENTS

Personal
To love God and live a godly life
To love my neighbor as myself, doing to other only what I would have them do to me
I have just one go at life, I will the most of every resource I have.
I will not hold back all I can give, do or be in all my activities and roles.
To be flexible and receptive to change at any age or position in life
To continually acquire relevant knowledge, skills and attitude necessary to enhance my roles.

Career
To build a dynamic and impactful career in the social sector

Friends
Celebrate their success and support them in failure
Help them be the best they can and don’t pull up ladder up on them
Be objective in my friendship and stand up to them when they are wrong
Share information, skills, time and resources.

Relatives/in laws
To have an open arm and receptive heart to relatives and in laws
To have a financial commitment to dependants
Be dauntless at making family ties tidied
Ensure good communication and be involved and concerned about their welfare.

Marriage
To have an unequalled communication and transparency with my husband and be his best friend.
To ensure his total welfare
To stay physically, spiritually, mentally and sexually attractive to him
To be a supporting pillar for him in his various roles and be a praying wife.

Parenting
To be a praying and passionate mother
To have an unequalled communication with children
To ensure good morals, discipline and ensure an all round development
To give them choices and the best of all I can

Home
To make my home a place for husband and children to always look forward to.
Ensure an atmosphere of style and excellence.
Be a good hostess.
Ensure orderliness, cleanness, safety and comfort.

Community
To contribute to the advancement of every community I find myself.

Turning The Pages

2006-05-13T12:00:00.000+01:00

In this fast paced, knowledge driven era, one of the greatest weapons in fighting gender divide will be the saying “a city on a hill cannot be hidden”.

As women, we need to realize that if we keep asking for rights then we acknowledge we don’t own it!
When we stand up to display the right we already posses – the individuality that sets us apart- the society will step aside to let us pass for we would show that we truly know where we are going.

A new guide offered by the 21st century is a call for women to cultivate life long efforts to deepen and broaden personal knowledge beyond conventional education.

Women are naturally made to multi task and there is an increasing demand for an outstanding and purposeful play of their various nature assigned roles, and more all through their lifetime.

In the midst of the present intense identity crisis, it is important for women to start asking basic questions of what, why, how and where of their roles, to enhance their uniqueness through a holistic approach.

More than the traditional “home training” expected of women in African Societies, the power of knowledge is an inevitable tool in the maximization of our potentials.

The world is changing on an accelerating rate and beyond the effects on the global scene, the changes are bringing challenges right to our doorsteps especially as women.
These significant changes seem to be happening about every nanosecond, and they sometimes leave us pressurized and imbalance.

We therefore need to be sensitive to the trends and events that affect our lives by an intellectual added value to increase our capabilities.

Today, with the whirlwind of new challenges in the nature of women’s employment, child raising, household management and their different roles and relationships across diverse institutions, they are faced with the challenge of learning to construct these in a way that differ from those they experienced as children.

One sure way of facing the challenges posed by these changes is to harness the power of knowledge and place it at the heart of all our activities – family and marriage, personal growth, financial, physical, professional, social and spiritual - by tapping into healthy and useful information readily available through various sources within our grasp.

Planning our lives and making daily decisions requires masses more information than our mothers needed when they were our age!

We need to recognize the tremendous need for us to participate in life long learning that engages all composition of our lives, to build a springboard that suits us in all our roles by having extensive information about our changing world and how it affects us.

Maya Angelou, the author of ‘I Know Why The Caged Bird Sing’ said “…if I were a young person today trying to gain a sense of myself in the world, I would do it again by reading…”

I turned 26 on April 1st and rather than be grateful for how far I have gone in life, I felt so depressed that I have not achieved enough for my age, this depression persisted for a week until I read Joyce Meyer’s “Enjoying Where You Are On The Way To Where You Are Going” – a book I had bought for myself as a birthday present, I got refreshing insight that made my attitude to life to suddenly step up a gear!

Collecting information especially by reading healthy books on a wide variety of subjects gives deeper insights to life and opens new vistas of moment of “ahas” when the mind is suddenly freed from the constraints of time and space to envision possibilities in a new terrain.

Turning the pages will simply increase our awareness and expand our world as women!

Charles Eliot said, “Books are the quietest and most constant of friends, they are the most accessible and wisest counselors and the most patient of teachers.

Women need to make a habit of collecting information on a particular interest from different sources in order to examine or compare it. It helps you to expand your choices and to make informed decisions.

For women the particular interest is the issue they feel energized to do something about or an inadequacy they want to change.

This could be on beauty tips and fashion, self development, mothering a teenager, cooking skills, planning a wedding, global development, positive attitudes, leadership skills, joggling work and home, career change, skills acquisition on job, managing finances, community involvement, being a good wife, coping with a boss, fulfilling sexual life, living with an in law, starting a business, being a good hostess and homemaker, communication skills, tips on pregnancy, handling sexual harassment, emotional intelligence, and the list goes on.

It is important to first write down the issues you want to work on and then identify the most accessible source of information that you can explore thoroughly.

There are various means of getting information the Internet is the fastest source, though your search doesn’t immediately reveal all the information you need, it will usually give you a good starting point. There are many healthy websites that addresses various issues relating to the well being of women, we need to maximize the use of the Internet beyond writing and reading mails.

For instance, I recently run a search on wedding planning and was amazed at the so many informative websites that tells you all you need to know and do from the day you are engaged to your wedding night!
Such information will definitely make wedding planning and organizing easy for whoever taps into it.

If you are too busy to sit at the Internet to read, you can save the information on your PC to read later when you have time or simply print it out.
Books are mostly preferable because you can take them to bed with you in contrast to a computer screen! Then you can make jottings and underline important points as you read; you can also always go back to them.

There are also healthy books on a wide variety of subjects, In Robert Irwin’s e book titled ‘Sexual Skills for Christian Husband’ he gave an account of how his sexual relationship with his wife was transformed from being frustrating to being pleasurable and fulfilling by their discoveries through collecting and exploring healthy information on sex!

Don’t only read when you have exams and interviews, read always and read wide in order to purposefully play your various roles.

Having the right information and putting it into practice creatively gives you confidence, enthusiasm, energy, ideas and power to enhance your various roles.

Its time for us to start taking a self-discovery adventure into empowering ourselves through acquisition of skills, knowledge and attitude necessary for upward mobility in all our roles.

We need to resolve to edge in a little reading everyday on a specific topic or skill we have always wanted to learn about, on issues we want to make changes about or on the things we will need to achieve our goals.

If we devote few minutes a day to reading, it will make itself at the end of the year.

Whatever we do, we must turn the pages for an investment in knowledge ultimately pays the best interest.

Tasks for the Month

Take a time out visiting a good bookshop and look for books that addresses the particular issue you are taking interest in
Find out and make a list of the libraries and reading clubs around you.To join a library, a reading club

Monthly Quote

“…if I were a young person today trying to gain a sense of myself in the world, I would do it again by reading…” - Maya Angelou